Pastoral Ministry and Psychotropic Medications
Consider this tension: Pastors are not medical professionals and, therefore, should not give medical advice. This seems clear and straight-forward, BUT Pastoral silence on the issue psychotropic medications reinforces the idea they are bad for Christians to take. This begs the question, “Is there a way for pastors to speak responsibly about psychotropic medications, in a way that is not giving medical advice, but in a way that provides church members with a sense of moral freedom to wisely assess whether medication may be a good fit for their life struggle?” The answer seems to be “yes” but...
Read MoreHow to Listen
We are often poor listeners because we think of listening as merely hearing and retaining information. In a day of information overload, the significance of listening is easy to overlook. Consider this expanded definition of listening – listening is how you enter the world of another person. In relationships “insiders” and “outsiders” are determined by what you share and what you’re willing to hear. When you tell someone your private thoughts you make them an “insider.” When you withhold your private thoughts you make them an “outsider.” When you are available to listen you are demonstrating...
Read MoreEvaluation: Listening in Marriage
We often miss the power of common things. Being at a little league game doesn’t seem like a big deal until you hear a adult lament, “My father never came to any of my games.” We often only fully appreciate the significance of small things our spouse does after they pass away and “life feels so empty now.” When we look back at the people who most shaped our lives, it usually because of their presence and care in ordinary moments rather than great actions or profound words. Listening is another common thing which often has a power that few people realize. Consider the power of listening...
Read MoreHealthy Ways to Capture Memories
In the end, grief is about how we remember. Memory is powerful. It shapes our lives in many ways. Memory impacts our emotions. Memory shapes the significance we give to current events. Memory influences what we expect from the future. So the effort to grieve well could be reframed as learning to remember in healthy ways. Too often we try to define “getting over grief” as “moving past” our loss, which implies forgetting or not thinking about our loved one. We rightly resist this conception of grief. But unless we have a healthy alternative, we avoid one error and get trapped in painful...
Read MoreApplying the Grief Seminar to Losses Not Caused by Death
Often it can be hard to recognize grief as grief, because of the absence of a death. Major losses can be caused by many other life changes than someone dying. But this difficulty goes well beyond the challenge of rightly labeling an experience. When we do not recognize the grief element in a major loss or life transition, we begin to try to make sense of that experience and overcome its fallout in ways that are not suited for the difficulties that lie ahead. That is the purpose of this appendix – to prepare you to apply the materials contained in this study to grief experiences that are not...
Read MoreMemorial Ceremony for an Unborn Child
Grieving the loss of an unborn child can be particularly difficult. No one else had the privilege of knowing your baby and, therefore, many of the rituals of grief (i.e., sharing pictures or stories of how the lost loved one touched other’s lives) cannot be engaged. Because no one else knew their baby, parents often try to take this journey of grief alone. What follows are suggestions for how to honor your lost child and facilitate your own grieving process. Do not consider this appendix to be a recipe to be followed directly, but as a collection of ideas to take what best applies to your...
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