[8 min read—client resource]
Introduction: The Need for Community
A common cultural myth is that accountability is just for those with addictions. People with addictive tendencies do have unique insights into the desperate human need for good community, partially because it can be a matter of life and death for them. But this also reveals a deeper spiritual truth; it is not good for anyone to be alone (Genesis 2:18 ESV). The fact is, everyone needs accountability to become like Jesus, because Jesus lived in genuine community with his disciples. And if the perfect God-man chose community, why wouldn’t we?
What is a True Community?
What is Community?
A community is “a unified body of individuals, such as a group of people with a common characteristic or interest living together within a larger society,” (Merriam-Webster). True community requires a deeper level of knowing, Paul references this in sharing not just the Gospel, but his life with his church (1 Thessalonians 2:8). We need each other to grow into spiritual maturity and to avoid being deceived by others or ourselves (Ephesians 4:11-16).
Starting Where You Are
If you don’t have a good community now, start where you are and build trust slowly. We all have some level of community and dependency on others because everything we have in life has been given to us (1 Corinthians 4:7). We cannot be extreme in giving trust completely or never trusting anyone (Matthew 10:16). It’s true that not everyone deserves your trust, but there are good people who are willing and want to earn it.
Defining Discipleship
What is Discipleship?
A disciple is “one who accepts and assists in spreading the doctrines of another,” (Merriam-Webster). Biblically, I would also add that discipleship is a communal expression of sanctification, which is becoming like Christ. In discipleship, people have different roles in your life. In this article, Brad Hambrick discusses the role your significant other has when sexual sin is an issue. A counselor can have a role in exploring deeper issues, trauma, relationship dynamics, and anything else that fuels unhealthy behavior. An accountability partner has a mutual role where each person puts their depravity in the light and experiences healing together as they call each other higher.
Understanding Accountability
What is Accountability?
Accountability is “an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions,” (Merriam-Webster). It is a deeper form of community, where you are seen and known because of your openness and honesty. We can be tempted to invoke a right of privacy, but this will continue to fuel sin’s domination of our lives. Temptation and sin want us alone and isolated; they thrive in the dark. Freedom comes through putting these things in the light, and when that happens, they become light (Ephesians 5:11-14). We can only heal at the depth that we are willing to reveal to others. All of this needs to be done in a trustworthy community.
Holistic Accountability in Practice
Finding an Accountability Partner
The most effective form of accountability I’ve seen is a one on one same sex accountability partner relationship. Yes, even for those with same sex attractions that are trying to hold to a biblical standard of sexual purity. This highlights a key aspect of holistic accountability; it’s not just you and your accountability partner. You should each agree on other mature Christians in your life that you can go to in case there’s unrepentant sin, unhealthy relationship dynamics, or any other third party needs. This could be a counselor, pastor, friend, or whoever has earned both of your trust. Also, if someone like a spouse is affected by the ongoing, unrepentant, secret sin, they would need to be informed as well.
In looking for an accountability partner, I like to recommend asking someone else if they are looking for accountability. That way, if they say no, they’re not rejecting you, but the accountability. Also, don’t disqualify people unnecessarily. Even if someone doesn’t have the same struggles, or isn’t in a similar stage of life as you, the relationship can be effective and beneficial. One of the main things is finding someone who you can be mutually open and honest with.
Core Practices of Accountability
Two of the main practices of accountability include running from temptation and confessing sin (1 Corinthians 6:18 and 10:13, James 5:16, Proverbs 28:13). This involves getting specific about the temptations you go through and the sins you’ve committed. This is the opposite of what I’ll call shallow accountability. Shallow accountability would be a short conversation where one person asks if the other sinned that week, the one admits to doing the same thing, they give some short encouragement or prayer, and repeat the process until the meeting frequency tapers off to nothing. Holistic accountability requires humility and courage to share about the things that embarrass us the most, which is truly living in the light (1 John 1:5-10, Hebrews 10:38-39). This especially helps with the shame aspect of sin.
A third main practice is repentance, which turns confession and awareness into further action steps (Matthew 3:8). It involves looking at how things went wrong and making changes. This may include figuring out new coping skills, updating some accountability loophole that’s been found, contacting your accountability partner sooner, choosing community over isolation, or any number of things. A counselor or pastor can also be helpful with figuring out what effective repentance can look like.
Creating a Safe Space for Accountability
Doing this hard work would be harmful without creating a safe space to share your deepest darkness. This requires confidentiality, consistency, and commitment. There needs to be agreement on a level of confidentiality and not betraying that trust. Consider a location where each person feels free to share whatever they want or need to. That could be a park, coffee shop, library, someone’s home, church, video call, or whatever meeting option provides that freedom to share. Personally for consistency, I have found weekly, hour long meetings with my accountability partner to be the most beneficial. That’s what I would recommend especially when starting out to get that initial consistency and buy in. You’ll need to make sure to figure out a scheduling system so that meetings don’t fall off.
Sharing Life Beyond Sin
When meeting together, all that time won’t just be spent on talking about fleeing temptation, confessing sin, and repenting, but sharing your life with the other person. You’ll share about your spiritual disciplines, job, finances, hopes, and dreams among other things. You’ll talk about your single or married life, family, friends, and enemies without gossiping. Sharing as if those people were in the room with you and would agree with the facts you share. Making sure to communicate with a heart of love for building up, not tearing down (Ephesians 4:29).
Accountability in Small Groups
If meeting in small groups, there’s a wise level of openness and trust without oversharing. Again, agreeing on location and confidentiality. With more individuals, there’s a need to gain trust on a larger level, which will take time, as it should. Don’t feel rushed to share, but give your group what you feel they’ve earned, taking small steps of risk as you go. With small groups and one on one relationships, evaluate how others steward what you’ve shared. If they steward it wisely, share more, if not, address it with them and possibly share less until they steward it well.
Digital Accountability Tools
If there is any sin or temptation that requires digital accountability, Ever Accountable is good for monitoring, while Covenant Eyes is good for blocking. There are other physical hardware, software, or subscriptions that can block devices’ access to the internet as needed, which you will need to research for each specific situation. It helps to have some financial skin in the game as you are putting your flesh to death (Matthew 18:8-9, Romans 8:13, Mark 12:30).
Understanding Addiction Biblically
Addiction is “a strong inclination to do, use, or indulge in something repeatedly,” (Merriam-Webster). I would add that biblically, addiction can sound like continual sin or persistent idolatry. Communal discipleship is a powerful way to address addiction. This Ted Talk by Johann Hari shows the importance of community when addiction is present; however, I don’t agree with all the conclusions this presenter comes to, especially how he seems to oversimplify scientific studies and addiction treatment and lacks nuance, it still has a helpful emphasis.
Conclusion: God’s Better Way
God has provided a way for us to thrive in community that is much better than the isolation of sin. It’s being honest, known, loved, and accepted by our spiritual siblings. It shows us how the church is God’s way of ministering to us in an embodied way (Ephesians 4:15-16). Yes, genuine community requires work, but it is part of the easy yoke that Jesus gives us (Matthew 11:28-30). Sin promises an effortless life, which is death by comfort. Sin is domineering and all encompassing (Romans 3:23, 6:23). Effective and holistic accountability is required to not only put sin to death, but to live the abundant life God has for us.
How to Set Up Holistic 1-on-1 Accountability
Works Cited
Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Community. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. Retrieved June 20, 2025, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/community
Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Disciple. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. Retrieved June 20, 2025, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/disciple
Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Accountability. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. Retrieved June 20, 2025, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/accountability
Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Addiction. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. Retrieved June 20, 2025, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/addiction