Part 5 of V on Singles Ministry in a Couple’s Culture Church
48.6%! That is the number of singles living in the Raleigh Durham area. Once our counseling center learned about this number, we knew we had to address the issue of singleness in our churches and in our community. We created this blog post to help both the church and singles understand each other better. We end this blog series with an exhortation to reject the lies about singleness and replace them with the truth that will set us free.
Lies We Believe About Singleness
Our flesh is prone to make idols of many things, and we define an idol as any thing, person or situation that someone seeks to provide for one’s needs, sense of worth, security or meaning in life outside of Jesus Christ. Relational idolatry is so easily a part of our lives and can even hide under a religious emphasis of marriage that too often promoted in our churches. Relational idolatry is recognizable when someone’s core identity becomes intertwined with their marital status. We recognize we are believing lies when:
- We believe something is wrong with us if we don’t get married
- Life doesn’t really start until I am married
- I will never be happy until I am married
- Single people are ‘less than’ married people
It is the church’s role to confront these false beliefs that are based on lies with the truth that the intimacy and yearning we desire are perfectly fulfilled in Christ, not a spouse. Our true identity is in who God has said we are and what he has already provided for us in the gospel. None of God’s blessings to us is related to our marital status or any external circumstance.
Marriage has its difficulties and challenges as does being single. Both are tailored for each individual as a means of sanctification. The challenges and needs that arise in either condition lead us to cry out to the One who can lead and sustain us, and empower us to live well in either situation.
Truth that Sets Us Free
We have all been given some role in accomplishing God’s purposes and those roles are given equally to the married and single. God’s desire is that we are one body in the faith and that we all belong to each other as members of the family of God. God will use any life situation for his ultimate goal of bringing us to the full knowledge of Christ and to maturity in Christ.
“Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.” (Ephesians 4:15-16).
For additional resources:
One by One: Welcoming the Singles in Your Church by Gina Dalfonzo
Redeeming Singleness: How the Story Line of Scripture Affirms Singleness by Barry Danylak
Keith Clement and Laura McGee are pastoral counselors at Bridgehaven Counseling Associates, which exists to provide excellent, Christ-centered counseling to individuals, couples, and families in the Raleigh-Durham area. Please contact Keith (kclement@bridgediscusshavencounseling.org) or Laura (lmcgee@bridgehavencounseling.org) if you would like them to speak to your church or small group on this issue.